Can someone cheer up a depressed teen on Christmas?

Hello everyone, and Merry Christmas. I just turned 20 this December and i'm having some problems. First, I deal with OCD (intrusive thoughts, contamination) mostly. I have had OCD for as long as I can remember. Anyways, my problems started at age 17, when I used to push my girlfriend around/be verbally abusive. She left me (which I don't blame her for) after she had had enough. I do not like hitting girls, I know it is terribly wrong and I'm guessing I acted in those ways due to stress. I learned my lesson, she was such a beautiful person inside and out and I'm ashamed of myself about the situation. My problems started then, depression because I just wish she would have stayed with me while I got help, she was the one for me & 3 years later I still know that. It is a shame. So fast forward 3 years, and now I feel like I just want to die. Last week, my friends drove to a trailer park (it was kind of shady) and purchased some weed, after I felt like my clothes were covered in "trailer park s". Then today, my friend picked me up & we went to apartment buildings to see his friend, then we went to his mom apartment (she was kind of screwy) and I feel like a complete sbag and want to throw my clothes out, and not to see my family tomorrow on Christmas because I don't want to go in their house because of my smy clothes. To top all of this, I tried being Mr. Fix It and used way to much caulking for a space on side my wall and while it cured, off-ged and now my blankets/bedding smell of chemical even after being washed a few times, and I feel like always smell of caulk. Im 20, I don't drive (have my permit) and don't have a job. Im just so up to my neck in stress & anxiety I want to hang myself. I want to be a good kid and have a good job, a beautiful wife and maybe kids, living in a nice home and stuff, and I think I'm just a sbag and its never going to happen. I just need advice on life. Can somebody find it in them to help me? Merry Christmas to all.